Passions You Never Knew About FFVII Version
by Yuki Shiido
Summary: [AU] We all know the characters of FFVII, right? Well, I can bet you didn't know their secret passions!
1. Elena

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**Ch. 1 – Elena**

"Dismissed."

"Yes, sir!" Elena saluted, leaving Rufus' office. "Finally, a short vacation," she sighed. "Time all to myseeeelf… no more work, no surprises, nothing. Absolutely no—" She was cut off as she rounded the corner, bouncing off of a taller figure; she blushed. "Mr. Tseng, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?! I didn't hurt you, did I?!" Her blue eyes sparkled with worry as she self-consciously tucked her Chocobo-blonde hair behind her ear.

"I'm fine," replied Tseng in his handsome bass voice. He flashed her a dazzlingly white smile. "The question is, are _you_ okay?"

A rather stupid-sounding "duuuh…" escaped Elena's mouth as a goofy grin overtook her face. Tseng procured a handkerchief from his suit pocket and continued, "You're drooling." He gently wiped the saliva from her mouth.

Another intelligent "duuuh" escaped Elena's lips as her grin grew wider; she saluted to Tseng, smile still on her face, and shouted, "Sir, I'm fine, sir! Thank you for asking, sir! I need to go now, sir!" Without waiting for Tseng's reply, she dashed out of the Shin-Ra building.

Tseng grinned. "It's always fun to see her do that."

Elena slammed her door shut. "Omigodomigod!" she squealed. "Tseng actually talked to me! He-he-he-he, he touched my mouth! Omigod!"

"Elena. Calm down. Or at least lower your decibel level, please! You're going to destroy my newest robot with your supersonic shrieking!" snapped Cissnei, her roommate. "If you don't calm down, you're going to blow up. Polish your guns or something."

The blonde nodded. "Yes. My guns. My shiny, shiny, beautiful—" She gasped. "Who the hell touched my guns?!" Cissnei winced at Elena's newest bout of shrieking. "They're all dull, and waxy, and-and-and _unshiny_!"

"Oh, yeah. That was Rude's payback for the stale licorice you gave him last week; he polished them himself," Cissnei replied matter-of-factly before returning to tinkering with her electronics.

Elena snatched up her most prized guns, as well as a polishing cloth and cleaning liquid, and stormed out of her room; her shriek could heard throughout the Shin-Ra dormitory building: "RUDE!"

Rude looked up from his book as Elena threw open his door. "You-you-you-you!" she spluttered. "You _polished_ my guns!"

"Most people wouldn't be angry about that," Rude commented, pulling off his sunglasses. "I did you a favor."

"I'll do you a favor: polish your head with a fucking spray of bullets!" Elena shrieked. "Your polishing was all wrong! You left streaks, and fingerprints, and you used wax! _Wax_! W-A-X, _WAX_! You _never_ use wax!" She pulled out her most prized pistol, and her cleaning supplies, spritzing several sprays of cleaning fluid on the barrel of the gun. "You put this on it, then take the cloth and use slow, smooth strokes until it's _perfectly_ shiny! And if it isn't, you use more liquid, and faster strokes!"

Rude smirked, opening his mouth to make a snarky comment, but was cut off: "Your poor guns!" Elena cried, rushing to Rude's cabinet laden with pistols and rifles. "You don't even take care of your own?!" She seized the nearest rifle and began cleaning furiously. "You have no respect for your weapons!"

"I do too respect my—" Elena interrupted him with a spray of cleaning fluid to his face.

"You do _not_! Look at how dull they all are!" She angrily sprayed him again, storming out of the room with a frustrated shriek.

Reno just stared.


	2. Rude

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**Ch. 2 – Rude**

"Rude? Rude? Helloooo?" Reno waved his hand in front of Rude's blank face; the bald-headed nineteen-year-old sat on his bed, gently rocking back and forth. "Ruuuude?"

"No more spray!" Rude shouted, suddenly jumping away from Reno. "No more spray, no more guns, no more Elena…"

"Dude, it's _Reno_. Not Elena." Reno shook his ponytail in Rude's face for emphasis. "See the red hair?"

"Guns… shiny… no more…"

Reno sighed, crossing to his closet. "Where is it…? Where is it…? Ah, there it is!" He extracted a bucket of red licorice from the mess, pulling a single piece of candy from the bin. He waved it in front of Rude.

"LICORICE!" Rude shouted, snatching the candy from the redhead's hand. "IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou Reno!!"

Reno chuckled. "I know you do. What happened?"

Rude threw his arms around the redhead and replied, "Elena went crazy because I cleaned her guns with wax 'cause she gave me stale licorice for my birthday." He paused, then looked up at Reno, arms still clasped around the younger Turk. "Got any more licorice?"

"It'll rot your teeth if you eat too much, Rude. Why couldn't you love sunglasses or something?"

"I _do_ love sunglasses!" Rude protested, leaping up from his position on the bed. He began digging through his dresser, throwing out assorted items: "Sunglasses… sunglasses… sunglasses… Reno's underwear…. Sunglasses… THERE IT IS!" From the mess of sunglasses, licorice wrappers, and other assorted items, Rude unearthed yet another pair of sunglasses… made of licorice. "See? Sunglasses_ and_ licorice! My favorite things!"

"I thought _I_ was your favorite thing."

Rude pouted. "My _other_ favorite things, then!"

"You know, Cloud… considering we have so many children in Midgar, maybe we should start selling candy here too," Tifa suggested.

Cloud shrugged. "It's your bar. How you got it is beyond me considering you're just out of high school."

"You are, too!" protested Tifa.

"Yes, but I'm in a different profession. C'mon, I'm almost in SOLDIER, I can drink beer with my roommate whenever I want!"

Tifa rolled her eyes, beginning to set out various dishes of toffee, lollipops, caramels, and other assorted multicolored candies. She looked up as the door to Seventh Heaven swung open and Reno entered, hand-in-hand with Rude. "I'm bored," the redhead sighed. "I want to help work today. You guys gonna be bus—ow!" He glared at the bald-headed teen whose hand had suddenly went rigid; Rude's eyes widened as he froze, staring at a familiar object directly behind Tifa.

"Licorablaragah!" Rude shouted, diving over the counter, causing a cacophony of crashes and the sounds of shattering glass as sake, wine, and beer containers fell to the ground. He smiled contentedly as he cradled the jar of licorice in his hands.

"My juice!" came a squeak from upstairs. "Rude, you spilled all of our juice!" Marlene stormed down the stairs, kicking Rude in the shin; he ignored her, cuddling his licorice.

"Rude!" scolded Tifa. "You're going to pay for everything you broke!"

"Licorice… my sweet, sweet licorice," Rude cooed, paying no attention to Tifa's tirade.

"Reno, do something about Rude!" snapped the brunette. Cloud smirked. "And _you_ quit smiling like a twit and help me clean up!" The smirk vanished from his face as mako-green eyes turned stormy; Tifa remarked, "Most guys would _love_ to help a soaking-wet hottie like me clean up, but no, I get _this_ one!"

"I'll help clean," sighed Reno. "Rude, get up and apologize."

"But—"

"Do it, or no licorice for a week!"

Rude scowled.


End file.
